Hungry moody bitch

The problem in the past I’ve had when I’ve gone on these mad restricting vendettas is that I become a 'moody bitch'.

My boyfriend told me last night that when I was thin and not eating/mia (he didnt know I was mia back then as well) he didn’t like me as much because, granted, we fought much more.. so because I was always moody and when you live with someone, always being so close to someone, it rubs off on them so we were both moody, unhappy and always arguing.

When I started easing up and eating again apparently I became less moody and so yeah, he thinks food makes me happy and no food makes me unhappy so he feeds me!

He said he would rather have a chubby happy girlfriend who he gets along great with, then an unhappy skinny bitch of a girlfriend who he constantly fights with. I don’t think he means that, I know he would rather the skinny happy girlfriend who isn’t a moody bitch.

I think the reason why I was so shit when I last was losing was because I was constantly obsessing over food, calories and my body and it depressed me...and when I’m hungry I snap at everyone around me and get moody. But I really need to lose the weight I've put on!

So this time, I’m going to let my body adjust to less food gradually, but enough so that I lose weight by December! That is my goal, to do it without becoming the hungry moody bitch. :)

Weight loss & fasting..

I don’t believe in fasting so often for long periods of time (2 days or more). I think it’s ok if you do a one or two day fast every few months to give your bowels a rest/cleanse but if you’re constantly trying to fast and then suddenly eat again and then fast again and eat again over and over, you ARE going to fuck up your metabolism and you’re always going to put the weight back on and more.
You need to keep your metabolism going and this can be done even when trying to keep food to a bare minimum. For example,

Pick one food for the day, like an apple. Cut it into 8 slices. Eat 2 slices at breakfast, 2 at lunch, 2 at dinner, and you'll have 2 left for a snack. This way your body thinks it's eating 4 times that day, but in reality you've only had 1 apple. The next day pick another food. Make sure it's only 1 serving that you split up into 3 or more throughout the day.

We’ve all heard that the key to weight loss is 5 or 6 small meals a day. The above suggestion is great in that it tricks your body and metabolism in thinking you have, even though you’ve just had one apple all day. As long as you’ve put something in your stomach to be digested every few hours. Munching on celery sticks works great for this also as it has practically no calories but you’re still eating something to keep your metabolism up.

Now, as for me, I’m not quite at that stage of only eating one fruit a day! But I will work my way there eventually. I need to ween myself off food slowly. I know what happens when you suddenly go from eating a lot everyday to suddenly depriving your body of any food... you fuck up your metabolism AND your chance of having a massively fat binge increases dramatically AND you feel like shit, moody and weak..

So I am going to decrease my food/calorie intake a bit every day until my body adjusts to eating less and less.
I’ve done so much reading and research throughout my life on health, weight loss, etc and I know this is the way to have long term sustainable thinness and none of this yo-yo weight.

This is what frustrated me about reading 'Dying to be thin' blog. She would fast for days then eat for a day, then fast again, then binge, then fast, and she never could successfully get to the weight she wanted. Her metabolism was absolutely shot that even after eating a small amount of healthy food following a 3 day fast she would put all the weight and more back on. So she would fast again in an attempt to lose that weight and it would go round and round in a vicious circle.. Weight up, down, up, down, how very exhausting!

Ps. I am swapping coffee for 0 calorie green tea (or Oolong tea), this really is soooo much better for losing weight and keeping your metabolism up while curbing hunger! And instead of having fat-ass hot chocolate at night, have a herbal tea like chamomile or rosehip or peppermint (with no sugar!). Now that it’s not winter anymore and warming up I’m hoping my boyfriend will go easy on ‘surprising’ me with a hot chocolate every night..!

Living with my boyfriend is hard for weight loss. It’s sweet that he likes to cook me dinners almost every night but I’m gonna need to start figuring out ways to get out of it! It’s not that he’s trying to fatten me up...he, like most guys likes attractive thin girls. I think the dinners and hot chocolates are his way of trying to be nice so maybe I just need to tell him to stop because he’s making me fat!!..and neither of us would want that!

So anyway... let’s see how I go with reaching my weightloss goal this time and I will record my progress! :)

Intake..

*200cal woth of breakfast cereal
*Soy latte - 150cal
*1 boiled egg - 78cal
*Salad - 150cal
*Oonlong tea - 0 cal
*5 almonds - 35cal
*Miso soup - 50cal
*Strawberries - 30cal
=693 calories

Thinspiration anyone??

GRRRR!!!

My boyfriend’s making me fat!

Days Intake~

*Breakfast: small bowl of Kelloggs All-bran cereal + low fat milk – 150cal
*Mid morning: Regular size soy latte no sugar – 100 cal
*Lunch: some of last nights leftover hot curry – about 150 cal worth
*Green tea
*Mid afternoon: one small apple - 65 calories
*Dinner: Tuna salad - 180 cal
=645

Trying to keep all my portion sizes small. I did feel hungry throughout the day but being bored at work probably contributed to that...and the fact that I was eating much more than that up until now so my body needs to adjust to the smaller portions.
I also drank lots and lots of water all day and realised how small by bladder seems to be!

Weight loss Blackberry app

I just downloaded a free app for my blackberry called Calorie Counter by FatSecret.
It seems pretty good, providing a food diary, exercise diary, diet calendar and weight tracker. It has a database of foods and their calories/nutritional info.
I’m so bad at maths and ana is always all about numbers so hopefully this helps with my calorie counting!

To set your goal to work towards on this Calorie Counter app I needed to enter my current weight, height, and goal weight. When I did this a warning message came up saying the goal weight is underweight and deemed ‘unhealthy’ and would not let me progress past that point unless I changed it. So I had to go back and change my height to being much shorter so it would let me enter my low goal weight LOL

Thinspo - Jessica Stroup

At the moment Jessica Stroup is my ultimate thinspiration ~

She's is sooo beautiful!

First entry..!

I want to do this
a. to distract myself from food and eating just out of pure boredom.
b. because I am now the heaviest I probably have ever been and it is putting me into a panic/depression and to be honest it disgusts me.
and c. Recording my weight loss journey for others to see will, I’m sure, give me that serious boost of determination to succeed AND keep track of my progress.

My 9 to 5 office job is very boring. I never have much work to do and when I do, I usually get it done within an hour which leaves me the rest of the day to mindlessly surf the net or pretend to be working when others are around. I notice that when I am bored I think I’m hungry and I eat more. This, along with sitting at a desk all day and no exercise is NOT a good mix!

I am waiting to have major surgery on my hip in February next year and until then I am not allowed to exercise (!!!) not that I can anyway... I can barely walk around the shops without getting intense pains shooting from my hips down. SO, unfortunately I have not done any exercise for the majority of the year and yes, the inevitable and what I have dreaded has happened: I put on weight!! Even though it is only 5kg it is enough to drive me crazy.

So, my stats:

Height: 5’3 (I’m a bit of a shorty)
Current weight: 53kg (about 117 lbs)
Goal weight: 44.5kg (98 lbs)

I have mostly maintained 50kg but over winter I put on 3kg. This hopefully should be easy/quick to lose. But I have to do it without exercise or aggravating my bung hip. This means restricting food intake dramatically.

I can’t remember the last time I was 44 or 45kg and the thought of it excites me so much! Late last year/early this year I while restricting I got down to 47kg. I am so disgusted with myself for being such a pig over winter especially when I knew I wouldn’t be excising. So now, I have to deal with a flabby stomach...WHAT THE HELL did I expect! And now my friend ‘T’ is all like ‘you look so much better!’ because she was ‘worried’ about me before when I was skinnier. AND NOW she’s gone and lost 7kgs and getting all these compliments about how great she looks. What a hypocrite. She was jealous of me when I was thinner, always making annoying comments and what not.. and now that I’m FATTER she’s happy! This is proving to be unbelievably great thinspiration. A little competition can go a long way! I HAVE to still be the smallest. Exercise or not.

I have a treadmill at home and spent last year running on it every day then the immense pain came on and after an x-ray and MRI I was informed that my hip is pretty much retarded and will need operating on. Private health insurance won’t cover it until one year after joining so I had to wait all year ‘taking it easy’ until it can be fixed. It sucks that when I try to even walk off my lunch my hip hurts so much after only 5 minutes. So, I’m disabled, and trying to lose 8 or 9 kgs. Awesome.

That is why it’s about time I get serious again and restrict my calorie intake dramatically. And I am determined to make it to my goal by December.