First entry..!

I want to do this
a. to distract myself from food and eating just out of pure boredom.
b. because I am now the heaviest I probably have ever been and it is putting me into a panic/depression and to be honest it disgusts me.
and c. Recording my weight loss journey for others to see will, I’m sure, give me that serious boost of determination to succeed AND keep track of my progress.

My 9 to 5 office job is very boring. I never have much work to do and when I do, I usually get it done within an hour which leaves me the rest of the day to mindlessly surf the net or pretend to be working when others are around. I notice that when I am bored I think I’m hungry and I eat more. This, along with sitting at a desk all day and no exercise is NOT a good mix!

I am waiting to have major surgery on my hip in February next year and until then I am not allowed to exercise (!!!) not that I can anyway... I can barely walk around the shops without getting intense pains shooting from my hips down. SO, unfortunately I have not done any exercise for the majority of the year and yes, the inevitable and what I have dreaded has happened: I put on weight!! Even though it is only 5kg it is enough to drive me crazy.

So, my stats:

Height: 5’3 (I’m a bit of a shorty)
Current weight: 53kg (about 117 lbs)
Goal weight: 44.5kg (98 lbs)

I have mostly maintained 50kg but over winter I put on 3kg. This hopefully should be easy/quick to lose. But I have to do it without exercise or aggravating my bung hip. This means restricting food intake dramatically.

I can’t remember the last time I was 44 or 45kg and the thought of it excites me so much! Late last year/early this year I while restricting I got down to 47kg. I am so disgusted with myself for being such a pig over winter especially when I knew I wouldn’t be excising. So now, I have to deal with a flabby stomach...WHAT THE HELL did I expect! And now my friend ‘T’ is all like ‘you look so much better!’ because she was ‘worried’ about me before when I was skinnier. AND NOW she’s gone and lost 7kgs and getting all these compliments about how great she looks. What a hypocrite. She was jealous of me when I was thinner, always making annoying comments and what not.. and now that I’m FATTER she’s happy! This is proving to be unbelievably great thinspiration. A little competition can go a long way! I HAVE to still be the smallest. Exercise or not.

I have a treadmill at home and spent last year running on it every day then the immense pain came on and after an x-ray and MRI I was informed that my hip is pretty much retarded and will need operating on. Private health insurance won’t cover it until one year after joining so I had to wait all year ‘taking it easy’ until it can be fixed. It sucks that when I try to even walk off my lunch my hip hurts so much after only 5 minutes. So, I’m disabled, and trying to lose 8 or 9 kgs. Awesome.

That is why it’s about time I get serious again and restrict my calorie intake dramatically. And I am determined to make it to my goal by December.