Fake

Shit. So it was my birthday on the weekend and we went out to a fancy restaurant with a bunch of friends, as you do... The portions weren't huge, it was that type of expensive french joint where there is a small amount of food like decoration neatly assembled in the middle of your large plate. And so it didn't look strange to eat just a bit and leave some on the plate. I ordered a healthy vegetarian mushroom polenta type meal. BUT I also had oysters for an entree, and after the meal it was time to order desert! I steered clear from that saying that I will share with my boyfriend, knowing full well that he would eat the whole creme brule before I got a chance. AND THEN...my downfall: A platter of beautiful imported cheese selections came out and that is really my weakness. I don't know how much cheese and wine I had but it was enough to make me look pregnant and feel very sick until the morning. The food at that place is the best food ever and that put a lot of stress on me. I went there knowing I could so easily lose control and have a crazy binge session. And alas, I did.
My friend says, 'I hate you, you can eat anything you want and still stay skinny'. Bullshiz! If only they know the turmoil it causes in my head, the obsession and pure focus I put into not getting fat. It's like my life's work. But I act all care-free and relaxed, I act like one of those 'naturally thin' people who appear to be simply blessed with 'fast metabolisms' who don't worry about what they eat, they eat what they want and stay effortlessly beautiful. I am such a fake. Stiving to be thin is not effortless.

Now I have to reverse the birthday-weekend damage.

I need help to stay on track! (I need a miracle pill which will lose me 6 kgs!)


Today will be:
*Breakfast: small bowl cut up apple, strawberries, bananna (140 cal)
*Lunch: Tuna salad (120cal) w/ green tea (0 cal)
*Dinner: Instant miso soup (30 cal)
I'm a very rough estimater of calories...Im not very good at the counting. Anyone got any tips to keep track of calories?