Guilt

Ok, I haven’t been very good with keeping up with blogging. And I should, because then I can't ignore what i eat if it's written down then it’s there and it DID happen and by not recording it it's like I can pretend it never happended, which is BAD...Fat people ignore what they eat.
But I have trouble with calorie counting. Like I want to know the exact calories in everthing and if I don’t know exactly then I ignore it all together and eat whatever without even thinking about the calories, which is also BAD. I have no idea how much I have consumed in the past few days because I've just been mindlessly eating without thinking about it. And I'm not even being active at all! This is why im getting fatter not thinner. So now I have the extreme guilt.
Wow, I really need better self control. I really WANT better self control. I want to be able to control exactly what I eat and see the progress every day in the mirror! I have been reading all your blogs for motivation and I am still addicted to thinspo. I want a fresh start, where I do control the food and portions I put in my mouth. I need to record my intake so that I can't ignore what I eat anymore. I won't let myself get heavier. I will get to my goal weight!


I have a phobia of becoming fat, chubby, chunky (anything other than skinny!!)


Today I had:
*Small bowl of All Bran cereal for breakfast
*Large double shot soy latte (to wake me up...i was really tired)
*Roast chicken Salad for lunch
*Apple and 5 strawberries

How many calories would that be roughly??? Hmmm...